I Choose Indy.

If you know me well at all, you know decisions are incredibly difficult for me. Case in point: A friend applauded me for being more decisive the last time I saw her--after seeing me do things like choose an item off a restaurant menu in the time a normal human might.

Well, I'm improving, I guess. 

But still, decisions often seem like the enemy. The Land of Possibility is freedom, and decision...decision is a trap.

I prefer happily resting in the initial knowledge that there is a full menu of delicious food. That there are thousands of cities to move to, jobs to apply for, friends to make, men to date. While at times this all makes me anxious, it paradoxically produces peace at those times I feel I must make a decision. So I stay in this dreamland, relishing in the fact that I have the world at my fingertips.

Yet, we must make decisions. Hundreds everyday. It's inevitable. The little ones seem hard enough, but God's been forcing me to make a lot of big ones in the last several years. He's helping me through, but the anxiety is still there. The fear I've made wrong decisions, that I'm making wrong decisions, that I will make wrong decisions. It's real and it's difficult. But learning I can trust the Spirit's prompting, and seeing God bless and work through my decisions has made the journey a little easier, a little less scary. 

Open doors also make the journey easier. Open doors are, to me, extravagant forms of grace and kindness. And sometimes God opens doors to places He planted in our hearts long ago. In those moments, you just kind of know. You worry and dwell on it for way too long after that initial excitement. You still think you might be making the wrong decision, and you still long for other places. But after weeks of that, you recognize it's a door you were meant to walk through. And that it's good. And you remember God wants to give you good things. So you say "yes," and after your "yes," you find even more freedom than in your Land of Possibility Vacation Home.

This is my story of saying "yes" to Indianapolis, of saying "yes" to living with a dear friend and kindred spirit. 

As I continue to kick and scream over other decisions I need to make, I'm remembering the relief and freedom I felt in saying "yes" to Indy. I'm remembering that this decision and others I make are not traps, but rather avenues of possibility and promise. They have the ability to bring forth vision, direction, clarity, and joy. When we decide something, we know we are walking towards something that holds within it the possibilities that we have or haven't yet dreamed of in the Land of Possibility. We don't just dream we're going somewhere; we know we're going somewhere. And we know that in going somewhere, we will keep growing, and changing, and learning.

I think the most incredible thing is this: In decision, we have the ability to bring about life--community, implemented ideas, art, projects, movement, friendship, marriage, babies, change. All needed in this world. All made possible through "yeses" and "nos" and putting one foot in front of the other and choosing good things.